I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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