who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
