I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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