I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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