i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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