Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
