So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is not my ceiling
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
