dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Enjoy the penises
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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