the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
