So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
