I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
