I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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