i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
