if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
