dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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