Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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