So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
