OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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