Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
