I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
