you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
