I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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