Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry about my life...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
