just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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