I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
