Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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