how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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