This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
