I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
