Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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