My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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