yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
