I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
