Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
