White coat. Heels.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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