you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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