I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
