Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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