I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
