I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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