He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
