we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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