Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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