Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
