Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
