great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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