I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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