I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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