I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
