Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
