I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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