Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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