look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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