recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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