I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
