grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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