I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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