they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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