Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize