In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
